Squabbling and bickering is very common between siblings, especially those close in age. As children grow and develop their own personalities, they will naturally clash over differences in opinions, interests, values, and needs. Healthy sibling rivalry and conflict help kids learn to cooperate and negotiate.
As a parent, it’s important to understand common triggers for sibling rivalry so you can proactively prevent and mitigate conflicts. With the right strategies, you can limit the squabbling and promote greater harmony between your kids.
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Differences in Ages and Stages
Siblings at different developmental stages will struggle to relate to each other. A younger child may be overly emotional, have trouble communicating, and annoy their older sibling. Meanwhile, the older child will be more independent, want privacy, and get frustrated with their younger sibling’s immaturity.
Competing for Parental Attention
With limited parental time and attention available, siblings often compete with each other to be noticed. A sibling can become jealous when they feel their brother or sister is favoured. Parents should make efforts to bond one-on-one with each child. If you are fostering siblings, be careful to give each child the same amount of attention, even if one is less demanding than the other.
Sharing Limited Resources
Whether it’s the TV remote, computer, car, or just physical space, siblings have to share resources in a household. They’ll inevitably fight over who gets access, when, and for how long. Parents should help children take turns and teach negotiation skills.
Different Interests and Personalities
Siblings are unique individuals who think, feel, and behave differently. Introverts and extroverts under one roof will struggle to get along. Kids with opposing hobbies may belittle each other. Parents should celebrate differences and discourage competitiveness.
How to Keep the Peace
Set Clear Rules and Expectations
Parents need to establish fair household rules and acceptable behaviour that all siblings must abide by. Communicate expectations for sharing, resolving conflicts, and being respectful. Enforce rules consistently to avoid resentment.
Spend One-on-One Time with Each Child
Ensure each child gets special alone time on a regular basis with parents. Take them on dates, enjoy activities they like, and show interest in their hobbies. This helps reduce jealousy between siblings vying for mom and dad’s attention.
Teach and Model Conflict Resolution
Don’t immediately intervene in sibling squabbles. Coach kids on how to compromise and resolve minor disputes on their own. Teach phrases like “How can we solve this?” Model patience, respectful communication, empathy, and anger management.
Encourage Quality Time Together
Schedule activities siblings can enjoy together, like board games, sports, baking, crafts, or movie nights. Shared experiences help siblings bond. Praise cooperation and teamwork. Volunteering as a family teaches care for the community.
Celebrate Differences
Highlight unique strengths, talents, and personalities in each child. Discourage comparisons. Display their art together. Frame it as “Emily loves science, Samantha loves gymnastics.” Appreciating diversity helps siblings get along.
Don’t Play Favourites
Make sure affection, attention, praise, and discipline are evenly distributed. Don’t compare siblings’ achievements. Avoid labelling like “the smart one” or “the athlete.” This breeds resentment. Treat each child as an individual.
With parental guidance, patience and empathy, siblings can learn to resolve conflicts and become lifelong friends. Accept that some bickering is normal, but continually encourage respect.
